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23 февраля, праздник всех мужчин, когда они не просто готовы пасть порвать проклятым иноземным завоевателям, но и утопить их в пиве и запарить в бане до беспамятства. Ваш непокорный слуга в сей светлый день мирно проводил бытие свое в разведках и прокладках тренировочных маршрутов для участников внедорожного рейда "Волок", и был уверен, что партизаны все дезориентрованы и подвоха ждать неоткуда. А вот и неувязочка...

Простая сельская дорога, мороз и солнце, день чудесный. Я мирно лицезрел красоты бескрайних полей и темных лесов национального парка "Угра" и щелкал клювом по всем сторонам, окромя дороги. И тут мне постучали... Коротко, один разок, но в пол и настойчиво — так, что сидение подпрыгнуло. Остановился, огляделся, присмотрелся. На свежем снегу лежал скрученный в кабаний хвост глушитель от "Москвича", знакомый на органическом уровне после опытов по сборке "40-го" в морозную зиму 1994-95 гг.

"Nissan Patrol — машина железная", — подумал я, и покатил дальше, пренебрежительно откинув злополучную железку в направлении обочины. Через пару километров из дефлекторов системы отопления повеяло холодом... Датчик температуры двигателя в норме, но опыт подсказал, что лучше остановиться и оглядеться.

Patrol, как раненый в живот буйвол, истекал голубой кровью. Оказались перебиты оба(!) шланга, подводящие антифриз к задней печке. Кругом тайга, косматые медведи по улицам бродят, в стране 23 февраля, плавно переходящее в 8 марта — помощи ждать определенно неоткуда. Что дядьки, что их тетки в русских селениях на пару недель вне зоны действия сети или временно недоступны вместе с магазинами, тракторами, гостеприимством и взаимопомощью. Приехали.

Из подходящих инструментов — пассатижи, из запчастей только фига в кармане, вместо антифриза незамерзайка с запахом лимона, ванили и твердых бытовых отходов в жаркий день. Час фитнеса под машиной — и операция по обрезанию шлангов произведена успешно, ни один хирург не придерется.

Мораль сей басни такова:

О том, что за рулем стоит смотреть на дорогу написано множество умных книжек, но это, очевидно, не помогает. К тому же, вместо агента загибающегося отечественного автопрома, которому очередной раз не помог рост ввозных пошлин на иномарки, мог быть леший, лоббирующий права лесорубов и ввязавшийся на правах пролетариата в картельный сговор целлюлозно-бумажных комбинатов, и осиновым колом искореняющий иноземных вурдалаков с земли исконно русской. Этакое стаяние на Угре 2009 года...

Товарищи автомобилисты и виртуальные автолюбители! Будте бдительны, кругом враги, даже если вы в танке. Возите с собой инструменты, запас антифриза, шланги, смазки и колодки. Война может застать в любом укромном уголке Отчизны, и надо успеть разложиться, окопаться, почениться и с...баться. С 23 февраля дорогие товарищи! Ура! Ура! Ура!

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